Posted: Friday, 4 January 2019 @ 13:43
As we approach the Christmas period, divorce lawyers will stand by for a surge in instructions once the New Year hits. Sadly, many people will start instructing lawyers to deal with the breakdown of their marriage. Often it is about the staying together for the sake of the children and that last Christmas. Then the New Year hits and that is that.
This is all very demanding, but sometimes very necessary. What makes a difficult situation worse is not the level of legal cost(though this is significant) or the fact that with the withdrawal of legal aid, there are more litigants in person, it is actually the mentality which people face when going through a trauma of a divorce.
What is really sad about divorce is the level of stress that all the parties are experiencing and it is so difficult to make things better. Lawyers are doing their jobs, but the fact is that it is so easy for either of the divorced party to become more stressed by any piece of correspondence or activity done.
It is little wonder that going particularly through a contested divorce is so difficult.
Mediation when it is particularly done well via a good mediator helps and can save expense; It is also worth remembering that the mediator is not there to impose a solution. Even with a good mediator it is up to the parties to sort this out.
What can the parties do themselves?
1. Try to focus beyond the present. There is a better future there and even once the divorce is complete, there will still be grieving to be done . But if you can hold out hope of a better future, you will able to negotiate from a better stand point.
2. Try to be trusting. I sometimes wonder whether lawyers and Judges can become too cynical and add more fire(more by experience than design). Again this will generally enhance the quality of the negotiations and may enable you to reach position.
3. Focus on Issues – If you can just deal with the here and now, then you will be able to negotiate better.
I appreciate that this may sound modest and simplistic but sometimes it is the simple things that need to be said.
Justin Patten, Solicitor