From my experience one of the flaws of most conflict resolution and mediation courses is their inability to deal with the one on one confrontations. They do not train the would be mediator to dealing and handling conflicts.
Yes, the model often gets the mediator or manager to identify issues, develop strenths and weaknesses, apply some pressure but what about giving tips on handling one on one conflict.
Let's face it. Most managers dread conflict.
I believe that mediation is certainly within an employment perspective about communication and bringing that back between the parties.
As mediators and lawyers, we should be encouraging parties to communicate. Much better that the managers can resolve their problems with their subordinates than relying on a mediator/their manager, or worse still the law.
Typically by the time the lawyer is involved the working relationship may be over.
Yet often mediations are done with emphasis on keeping the parties apart or holding a joint session together which can be take a quasi-judicial role.
Courses tend to focus on legal compliance, but not on authenticity.
Managers often dread those one on one conversations.
So much easier to avoid them,
Yet how should these conflicts be managed.
Some useful principles for the manager or the mediator, include:
1 Name the issue. What exactly is bugging you?
2. Identify your own emotional feelings. The more I have delved into conflict the more I feel that they can often be something connected with the mirror. Often you the manager may be contributing to the conflict. Or you may be struggling with the conflict. Can you identify it?
3. Prepare. Use of language and emotion is critical. The more you prepare the greater the chance of success.
4. Aim For Succintness. In mediation, we are trained to prepare an opening statement; I believe that we should encourage individuals to prepare their opening statement. That opening statement should take no more than 60 seconds.
5. Use a specific example that you want to change of the individual you wish to confront.
6. Show that person, you wish to resolve the issue.
7. Invite the other person to respond. This is how to manage a good mediation and can apply now.
8. Listen carefully.
9. Head Towards a Defined Conclusion.
10. Review how it went objectively. Afteerwards, on your own review the position.
11 Commit to try again. After you have dealt with a conflict you will have more confidence in doing it again. Become an expert in handling conflict.
Justin Patten, Trainer